Any suggestions as to how I might get myself out of the contraption are most welcome.
OK, I think I have come up with a plan that may work which expands on that dog feller boss's idea.
First, after you have yourself one of those fancy snipping dodads, you cut the back of your contraption only about 5/8 of the way up from the bottom, not the top because after the alteration upgrade it would be prone to leakage. This should allow the constipated constriction of your contraption to relax just enough to pop yourself right out of there.
Next you get cook to play seamstress and she attaches a similar waterproof material to the inside 1 1/2 inch wide by however long the vertical cut is, adding a inch to the top that goes up under the cut, known as the "inner flap quismo", then attaches a heavy duty, waterproof zipper along the entire length of the cut. She than adds a "V" shaped cross stitch pattern above the newly installed zipper area with the base of the "V" being no less than 2" wide and the top at the neckline is 6" wide. After that you apply duct tape horizontally above the newly installed zipper area over the "v" shaped reinforcing, both inside and out of the contraption, the full width of your back. This should ensure that the fabric will not rip any further. Remember to start the duck tape procedure from the bottom just above the top of the zipper and work your way up creating a shingle effect and not trap water.
Hey, don't laugh now, duck tape will hold your car together, go 100 M.P.H. secure a vehicle to a light post and you can make a bridge out of it. It's waterproof and it does not itch plus it comes in a variety of shades and colors ranging from skull and cross bones, camo, to a host of bright vibrant colors that you could mix and match to suit your fancy.
The final step is to install a strong long cord to your zipper puller upper and downer thingamabob so you can drive the darn thing yourself without assistance. I believe that part is self explanatory.
And there ya go, you found Waldo.
P.S. this is also commonly known as a "wet suit", but hey, I am just trying to work with what she has, so ya, anyway.
Hey now, I never said it was a "good" plan did I? But perhaps it's a start.
Have a nice day!