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Jokes - clean if you can

• hpurey 11,505 Posts

  Thu, Nov 12 2015 6:40 AM

  ostfriedel:

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ipyj9ZQKWtw

• mathia14 1,271 Posts

  Sat, Dec 12 2015 7:36 AM

  What do you get when you cross a snowman & a vampire???

   

   

  Frostbite

• mathia14 1,271 Posts

  Sat, Dec 12 2015 7:37 AM

  Where does a snowman keep his money?

   

   

   

  In a snowbank.

• craigswan 30,984 Posts

  Sat, Dec 12 2015 3:27 PM

  
   Sophie just got married, and being a traditional Italian was still a virgin. On her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But mother reassured her.
  "Don't worry, Sophie. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take care of you."
  So up she went. When she got upstairs, Luca took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Sophie ran downstairs to her mother and says, "Mama, Mama, Luca's got a big hairy chest."
  "Don't worry, Sophie", says the mother, "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you."
  So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Luca took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again Sophie ran downstairs to her mother. "Mama, Mama, Luca took off his pants, and he's got hairy legs!"
  "Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Luca's a good man. Go upstairs, and he'll take good care of you."
  So, up she went again. When she got up there, Luca took off his socks, and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Sophie saw this, she ran downstairs.
  "Mama, Mama, Luca's got a foot and a half!"
  "Stay here and stir the pasta", says the mother. "This is a job for Mama!"

• craigswan 30,984 Posts

  Mon, Dec 14 2015 12:55 PM

  

• WonkyDriver777 21 Posts

  Tue, Dec 15 2015 5:32 AM

  hpurey:

  A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.

  The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says,"Error. Not long enough."

  ROFL.......................................

• 9,041 Posts

  Mon, Dec 21 2015 11:53 PM

  Asked the wife what she wanted for Christmas last night...

  " A DIVORCE" was the reply..

  Told her I wasn't thinking of spending that fookin much !!!

• craigswan 30,984 Posts

  Tue, Dec 22 2015 4:41 AM

  On Christmas Eve, Gerry  thought it would be nice to buy his wife a little gift for the next day. Always short of money, he thought long and hard about what that present might be'

  Unable to decide, Gerry  entered Macy,s  and in the cosmetics section he asked the girl, 'How about some perfume?'  She showed him a bottle costing 75 dollars . 

  'Too expensive,' muttered Gerry . 

  The young lady returned with a smaller bottle for 50 dollars . 'Oh dear,' Gerry  groused, 'still far too much.'

   Θ

  Growing rather annoyed at Gerry,s  meanness, the sales girl brought out a tiny 10 dollar  bottle and offered it to him.

  Gerry  became really agitated, 'What I mean', he whined, 'is I'd like to see something really cheap.'

  So the sales girl handed him a mirror

• mathia14 1,271 Posts

  Wed, Jan 13 2016 1:09 PM

  Two Norwegians are drinking in a bar. One says, "Did you know that Elks have sex 10 to 15 times a day?"

   

  "Aww, shucks" says his friend, "and I just joined the Knights of Columbus!"

• craigswan 30,984 Posts

  Fri, Jan 15 2016 5:22 AM

  Awkward .