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Jokes - clean if you can

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Thu, May 19 2016 10:03 AM (70 replies)
  • xxxhogheadxxx
    949 Posts
    Sun, Sep 27 2015 10:16 AM

    I heard Bill Clinton wants back in the White House so bad... he is willing to sleep with Hillary to get there.

    edited: ~3:40PM pacific time 9-27-2015   all very good jokes...wow...keep it going

  • courteneyfish
    15,796 Posts
    Sun, Sep 27 2015 10:30 AM

    Donald Trump for President. Well it makes me laugh. :)

  • TheAceFactor
    2,147 Posts
    Sun, Sep 27 2015 10:48 AM

    2 guys walk into a bar.....you'd have thought the 2'nd guy would have seen it  !

  • drmoose
    3,531 Posts
    Sun, Sep 27 2015 2:13 PM

    Two words in WGT land ," Unexpected Error ", oh wait, that's more of an oxymoron, sry, carry on.

    Doc :)

  • 1enigma1
    486 Posts
    Sun, Sep 27 2015 4:13 PM

    The golf swing is like sex. You can't be thinking of the mechanics of the act while you are performing."                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     "Golf is a game in which you yell 'fore', shoot six and write down five."                                                                                                                                                                                                         :)  ..

  • budfan4861
    183 Posts
    Sun, Sep 27 2015 6:08 PM

        My putting...........

        But seriously folks....a little boy says to his dad one morning "dad, it's presidents day today, you know what that means?"      " what son"     "todays the day that the president comes out of the white house & if he sees his shadow, we have another year of ***"

       Thank you....i'll be here all week

  • mathia14
    1,271 Posts
    Mon, Sep 28 2015 6:55 AM

    the Chicago Bears

  • hpurey
    11,505 Posts
    Mon, Sep 28 2015 9:46 AM

    An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the man passes gas and says, "seven points!".

    His wife rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?" The old man replied "it's fart football."

    A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, "Touchdown! Tie score..."

    After about five minutes the old man lets another one goes and says, "Aha, I'm ahead 14 to 7"

    Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

    Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14." Now the pressure is on for the old man.

    He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally poops in the bed.

    The wife says, "What the hell was that?"

    The old man says,

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    "Half time, switch sides."

  • mathia14
    1,271 Posts
    Mon, Sep 28 2015 10:44 AM
    When God Sends You Help Don't Ask Questions ;

     

     She hurried to the pharmacy to get medication,   
     Got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside.  
     The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground.  
     She looked at it and said, "I don't know how to use this." 
     She bowed her head and asked God to send her some HELP. 
     Within 5 minutes a beat-up old motorcycle pulled up, 
     driven by a bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag. 
     He got off his cycle and asked if he could help. 
     She said: "Yes, my daughter is sick. I've locked my keys in my car. 
     I must get home. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?" 
     He said, "Sure." He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute 
     the car was open. 
     She hugged the man and through tears said, 
     "Thank You, God, for sending me such a very nice man." 
     The man heard her little prayer and replied, 
     "Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of prison yesterday; 
     I was in prison for car theft." 
     The woman hugged the man again, sobbing, "Oh, thank you, God! 
     You even sent me a Professional!" Is GOD great or what!?!
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