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Chuck Norris Jokes

• lilrob88 870 Posts

  Fri, Sep 11 2009 12:23 PM

  You know the more i thought about the subject the more it kinda annoyed me. I thought to myself "well if tons of people post totally irrelevant post on here everday.....why cant I?"

  So i came up with this totally irrelevant idea. How about if you know any good chuck norris jokes post them here. Everyone loves a good chuck norris joke! :)

• lilrob88 870 Posts

  Fri, Sep 11 2009 12:24 PM

  There is no life on planet mars because Chuck Norris got to it first.

• nivlac 2,188 Posts

  Fri, Sep 11 2009 12:42 PM

  Ok, but you asked for it....

  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
  • Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

  • Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

  • Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.

• brandi35 295 Posts

  Fri, Sep 11 2009 12:55 PM

  OMG....LOL

  :)

• nivlac 2,188 Posts

  Fri, Sep 11 2009 12:56 PM

  • When Chuck Norris does push-ups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down
  • Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
  • Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard.” Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after, all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he stands outside and dares it to grow. 
  • The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked one of the corners off.

• lilrob88 870 Posts

  Fri, Sep 11 2009 1:04 PM

  lmfao @ niv the coont!!!!

  good stuff man

• lilrob88 870 Posts

  Fri, Sep 11 2009 1:32 PM

  *Dinosaurs are extinct because of chuck norris

  *If chuck norris is running late hide your clocks becuase time better be scared

  *when chuck norris has surgery the anasteshia is given to the doctors

• TW1432 130 Posts

  Fri, Sep 11 2009 2:05 PM

  Hey Nivlac got anymore exellent jokes?

• nivlac 2,188 Posts

  Fri, Sep 11 2009 4:54 PM

  Sure. I'm just pulling these off the web though:

  • The planets orbit the sun because Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked them all.
  • Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
  • Chuck Norris' calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Chuck Norris.
  • Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.
  • Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
  • Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
  • The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

• Soulcatcher 1,970 Posts

  Fri, Sep 11 2009 5:10 PM

  If you can see Chuck Norris...Chuck Norris can see you.

  If you can't see Chuck Norris... you are seconds away from a roundhouse to the head.