Alas, alack, and all that other stuff, the evidence is confoundingly incontravertible, as illustrated in the screenshot from Andyson, and intimated in the post from 100plus, my close encounter with the shadow people from the other side of the space time continuum was a mere sham.
I am inexorably drawn to the uncomfortable conclusion that I hit the bleedin tree.
Thanks again to one and all for your time, energy, and investigative creativity.
To alleviate any concern, I confirm that the ball is on a drip in a hospital bed, and recovering as well as could be expected.