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The Joke Thread...

Fri, Aug 14 2015 1:24 PM (81 replies)
  • pdxdriver
    2,628 Posts
    Wed, Oct 2 2013 12:49 PM

    THIS SITE :)        ;p

  • carolineRobert
    1,821 Posts
    Wed, Oct 2 2013 12:58 PM

    ...and here is one in the memory of WGT player BigSulley ...( if he's still around , he will get a laugh if he sees this ). 

     

  • carolineRobert
    1,821 Posts
    Sun, Oct 6 2013 11:05 AM

     

  • carolineRobert
    1,821 Posts
    Sun, Oct 6 2013 11:12 AM

     

  • craigswan
    31,005 Posts
    Tue, Oct 8 2013 5:54 AM

    A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC. Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?" - "Terrorists have kidnapped the entire White House, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations." - "How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks. The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."

     

  • craigswan
    31,005 Posts
    Tue, Oct 8 2013 5:57 AM

    golfer playing in Ireland hooked his

    drive into the woods. Looking for his ball,
    he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back,
    a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball
    beside him.
     
    Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from
    the cart and poured it over the little guy,
    reviving him.
     
    "Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked.
     
    "I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball," the golfer says.
     
    "Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square.
    Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?"
     
    "Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer
    answers in relief. "I don't want anything,
    I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologise."
     
    And the golfer walks off.
     
    "What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself.
     
    "I have to do something for him. I'll give him
    the three things I would want... a great golf game,
    all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life."
     
    A year goes by and the golfer is back.
    On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into
    the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him.
     
    "Twas me that made ye hit the ball here,"
    the little guy says. "I just want to ask ye,
    how's yer golf game?"
     
    "My game is fantastic!" the golfer answers.
    "I'm an internationally famous golfer now."
    He adds, "By the way, it's good to see you're
    all right."
     
    "Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer
    golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money
    situation?"
     
    "Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer states.
    "When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket
    and pull out $100 bills I didn't even know were there!"
     
    "I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?"
     
    The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment,
    and says shyly, "It's OK."
     
    "C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun,
    "I'm wanting to know if I did a good job.
    How many times a week?"
     
    Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers,
    "Once, sometimes twice a week."
     
    "What?" responds the Leprechaun in shock.
    "That's all? Only once or twice a week?"
     
    "Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."

     

  • carolineRobert
    1,821 Posts
    Thu, Oct 10 2013 1:33 PM

    good 1 Craig about the Leprechaun .....

    and now :

     

    ɐɥɐɥ˙˙˙¿ ʍou ʇɥƃıɹ ʞooן noʎ pıdnʇs ʍoɥ ǝzıןɐǝɹ noʎ op

     

    PS : what's going on ? ...no one is posting jokes ?!? (edit on Oct.14th)

  • craigswan
    31,005 Posts
    Tue, Oct 15 2013 8:07 AM

    Caroline  and her best mate susan  had a girl,s night out on saturday night . Both got so drunk , with no taxi in sight they started to walk home .But eventually they had to pee so they stopped inside a cemetery .Susan  used her panties to wipe but smartie pants caroline  stole a wreath from a grave .

    The next morning susan's  new boyfriend [ big boy george ] phoned up caroline's man  [ doctor i.p. squint ]  .

    No more nights out for those two he said - susan came home with no panties . You think thats bad replied the doc - caroline  came home with a card in her crack saying -

    from all of us at the fire station - we will never forget you .

  • craigswan
    31,005 Posts
    Tue, Oct 15 2013 8:10 AM

    I was walking past the mental hospital today when behind a six foot high fence i heard people chanting 13 , 13 , 13 .So being nosey i looked through a hole in the fence .

    Someone poked me in the eye with a stick and then the chanting changed to 14 , 14 , 14 .

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