Colin montgomerie the portly elderly scot has won the fight to become the european ryder cup captain to be staged in italy in 2022 or 2023 .
He is even fatter than john daly .
Monty who weighs in at over 30 stone is so heavy his golf shoes are specially reinforced to take his weight is transported around the course on a specially adapted titanium golf cart .
He is the scourge of greenkeepers leaving deep footprints on putting surfaces and has snapped the famous swilken bridge at st andrews .
Outgoing ryder cup captain padraig harrington smiled fondly when told of the appointment .
He said - AH MONTY . he loves his pie and chips .
The fat b'stard .