Dearest Mio,
Words cannot justly embody the true depths of my gratitude.So excited was I,that I had Daddy summon Lambert(our Butler) to run this to the posts directly.We found him in one of the potting sheds with a five iron and a flagon of Devons Finest golden mead.I was somewhat perturbed to find that he had indeed left my earlier advice unheeded,and was quite squiffy,and furthermore in charge of an offensive weapon.The truly worrying thing though,I am chastened to admit,was that he was potting bulbs with the Five iron with an adroitness that of which I can only dream about.
Well he was despatched with alacrity(The lost dog who begs food) so as to ensure he was in time for the mails,which hereabouts is something quite rare,and I suppose one can hardly blame those hardy men on account of the dragons that still endure mid Dartmoors gems.I heard tell of one captured most recent,yet I am afraid I quite forget the details,so I shall refer to that particular dragon as simply X and many numbers-for catologuing details only,you understand.
Whilst Lambert was without,and to stave off the boredoms,Daddy regaled myself and Nancy-A childhood friend-nobody has seen her,but she is real enough to me-with tales of derring Do whilst working in the colonies,and would you not but believe it,he told of a wondrous thing indeed that he had been witness to whilst taking the air one day upon a beach.
He said,and I will not lie,that upon this beach there was laid out before him the most lustrous of greensward,and all with little flags dotted to and fro,which the local Kiawhans referred to as "The place of the mighty whirlpools". I took fright at this and Cook had to bring me fresh lemon juice(I like my lemons from vesuvius,dont you know they are almost white and QUITE the best in the whole world).
I begged Daddy to desist,and Mummy reinforced my wish,but alas not before Daddy impressed upon me the horrors that would befall any person,even Johnny foriegner,who,according to legend,would find themselves confused and bobulated in disconcerting fashion,were they to attempt anything other than outright worship at what appeared to be ancient monuments to the god known as Lagg Niblick.
I must confess that even unto this very day,I still suffer attacks of the vapours at the very thought,and privately I have vowed to never venture foot into those parts,having now heard the legend(and therefore of course,truth).
Upon your comments in regard of messrs B.T Broad and Band,I have had the family solicitors,Fester,Karbunkle,Refute and Rebuke look into the strangest of happenings,and word a stiff affidavit in support of my dire grievance.I fear however that B.T Broad and Band,being the very law unto themselves,will pay little heed,and to this end it is my dearest hope that our village grocer(a sweet little man by the name of Tesco),although some leagues distant,will be able to take over where B.T Broad and Band,very inconveniently,left off.
I do so hope that my missive reaches you as it left me,in good spirits and chipper of soul.(albiet by hand of Lambert)
Yours most faithfully,
Elizabeth R.
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