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Dear Pabby

• craigswan 30,979 Posts

  Sun, Jan 22 2017 5:36 AM

   

  Dear pabby ,

  I have had a sex change using guidance from a DIY website. After sending a Western Union transfer to Asomal Ian Pyreat who lives in Nigeria. a photocopy of two pages from Greys Anatomy, a boxcutter, a blowtorch and a mini tube of superglue arrived.

  I followed the instructions but next door's dog ran away with my testicles. I have changed my mind now. Can I cut that  dog's bollocks off and graft them into what's left of my scr otum, superglueing the scr otum together again?

   

• drmoose 3,532 Posts

  Sun, Jan 22 2017 6:34 AM

  Dear Pabby,

  If you don't mind, I have some professional advice for Craig. First off, in sex change circles, it's a well known fact that the Nigerian DIY kit is vastly inferior to that of the US product distributed by Wyzinski's Fish Market of NYC. Their DIY kit contains an X-acto knife, baling twine, duct tape, an' a CD by the Vienna Boys' Choir (so's you can practice them high notes).

   I'm sorry to hear that the neighbors' dog run off with your beaners, but, instead of attempting a trans-species nut graft, may I suggest another fine product from Wyzinski's, their 3 pack of WGT kitten balls, that way, you'll have one left to golf with, if you don't find the meowing to be too distractive.

  Doc :)

• renniw52 5,385 Posts

  Sun, Jan 22 2017 7:45 AM

   Craig has way more problems than I ever knew. Poor guy needs to take a long walk into one of Yancy's not yet discovered unexplainables areas. Maybe then he can find the true answer to why he is. I'm sure he will find an entity that can explain things. I believe we are incapable.

• craigswan 30,979 Posts

  Mon, Jan 23 2017 3:39 AM

  Dear pabby ,

  I am trapped in a McDonalds toilet in st Andrews with my ar se well and truly superglued to the porcelain seat.

  Someone spread the glue all over the seat and like a fool I just sat down on it.

  I am permanently welded to the toilet bowl now and what's worse is that there's no door on the cubicle and I nipped into the women's loo as the men's was full.

  My happy meal has turned sour .

   

• WigerToods2010 8,445 Posts

  Mon, Jan 23 2017 8:09 AM

  craigswan:

  I am trapped in a McDonalds toilet in st Andrews with my ar se well and truly superglued to the porcelain seat.

  Think positive, Craig. At least you won't be full of $hit for a while.

  :)

• garyk49 2,313 Posts

  Mon, Jan 23 2017 8:47 AM

  WigerToods2010:

  craigswan:

  I am trapped in a McDonalds toilet in st Andrews with my ar se well and truly superglued to the porcelain seat.

  Think positive, Craig. At least you won't be full of $hit for a while.

  :)

  Wanna Bet

• opyeuclid 6,706 Posts

  Mon, Jan 23 2017 3:14 PM

  Dear Pabby 

  The other day ( 21st )  was my 8 year birthday here in WGT land ,  I want to do something special for my self ,,  Should I get the Big box of starter balls , Or  , the Big bag of fairway tee,s , Or , hang out at the 19th hole and party with my friends ?

  OPY

• craigswan 30,979 Posts

  Tue, Jan 24 2017 12:12 AM

  Dear pabby ,

  Please try and keep up . There is a Scotsman trying to give advice now . jings .

  I'm not sure if it is just me but it seems there is little or no help these days in the forums . The comments out there all tend to be smart alex remarks . The amount of members out there asking for free this or free that is horrendous .

  I am seeing more of I want to be a better golfer but don't have the time or cannot be bothered - please spoon feed me .

  Domain management software is the answer . Do you know there are still some people out there with no idea how to use CSS,PHP,MySQL or smarty templates .

  Anyway my proposal is why don't we start charging 10 bucks an answer . There are plenty of websites who do this . You and I could set up a limited company . A good name might be something catchy like copy and paste . We would be bill gates opposition .

   

• craigswan 30,979 Posts

  Tue, Jan 24 2017 7:11 AM

  2 for 1 day .

  Dear pabby ,

  Are you there .

  Went shopping today at my local supermarket . I spotted this beautiful single malt whiskey called ben nevis for 60 pounds . Ticket underneath said half price .

  Unfortunately on getting home the security tag had been left on . I tried everything to loosen tag . I even took my teeth out and let them have a go .

  I decided to take it back to security . Tag removed no problem but they told me I had to go through check out again . Since bottle was half price they reduced it again from £30 to zero .

  And it was 2 for 1 day so I received another bottle as well . As I went to exit the manager stopped me and informed me it was now 3 for 2 afternoon . Since the first two were free I was given another bottle .

  My question is - Do you think I should go back tomorrow for some all butter Edinburgh shortbread .

• gonfission 2,230 Posts

  Tue, Jan 24 2017 7:41 AM

  craigswan:

  Anyway my proposal is why don't we start charging 10 bucks an answer

  A good business model does not reward the owners, when one of them is spending $30,00 to $50,00 dollars a day from the company coffers, seeking the very same advice, the company is receiving approximately $20.00 per day in income revenue.

  I could have gone to the wrong school...