Ah, yes, the true rules of golf:
THE REAL, TRUE AND UN-EXAGGERATED RULES OF GOLF
1. The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental.
2. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three.
3. Any change works for a maximum of three holes and a minimum of not at all.
4. Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing.
5. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
6. If you're afraid a full shot might reach the green while the foursome ahead of you is still putting out, you have two options: you can immediately shank a lay-up, or you can wait until the green is clear and top a ball halfway there.
7. The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share his ideas about the golf swing.
8. The inevitable result of any golf lesson is the instant elimination of the one critical unconscious motion that allowed you to compensate for all your errors.
9. Everyone replaces his divot after a perfect approach shot.
10. A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.
11. It's surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 10.
12. Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.
13. It's not a gimme if you're still away.
14. There are two kinds of bounces: unfair bounces, and bounces just the way you meant to play it.
15. You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time.
16. If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short of a water hazard.
17. There are two things you can learn by stopping your back swing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.
18. You can put "draw" on the ball, you can put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put "straight" on the ball.
19. A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.
20. If there is a ball in the fringe and a ball in the bunker, your ball is in the bunker.
21. If both balls are in the bunker, yours is in the footprint