Ah yes, Arlette. Beautiful Arlette. Perfect Arlette. Giant IQ Arlette. Gorgeous Raven Hair Arlette. Radient Blue Eyed Arlette. Glowing Smile & Flawless Teeth Arlette. Creamy Un-Blemished Skin Arlette. Polite Well Mannered Arlette. Diamond Bezel Platinum Rolex Arlette. Porsche Arlette. Wealthy Arlette. Arlette, Arlette, Arlette...and... "Lily, if you could lose 20 pounds of that baby fat, you could be cute" Arlette. "Lily, I bet you can't wait til those braces's come off" Arlette. "Lily, I can help you with your hair and make-up...every little bit helps" Arlette. "Lily, all you do is read history and play golf, all that sun is a ruin of your skin...I wouldn't call it living either" Arlette. "Lily, don't worry, all your brothers and your sister are great looking people. I'm sure you will be too, with time" Arlette.... I so adore Arlette.
UFC will bring people together. For an upcoming Saturday night, my brother Jonny and his girlfriend, Arlette, were having a UFC party. A fine mix of 20 to 25 year-old friends ready for action. The fight, booze of all kind, and a splendid array of hors d'oeuvres and finger food to die for. About twenty young people.
It seems I am a bit of a wizard with food & drink...a creative perfectionist with a knack for what will work better. I was 14, but was requested to make my "fo' getta bout it" Margaritas, (hint ~ Patron - Cointreau - Gran Marnier...other secrets) they are the best; and also to prepare my salsa...a recipe, also of my own, that has yet to find an equal. It's Arlette's "dream about" favorite. I was pretty excited to be exposed to this little get together.
One of the secrets to the salsa is a very, very small tincture of Habanero. I purchased fresh habaneros and Scotch Bonnets and put them in my dehydrator for 30 hours...perfect hard little nuggets, dryer than a 'pop-corn fart'...perfect...then grounded in the blender to powder. Then the perfect beefsteak tomatoes and many other discovered treasures that make my salsa impossible to resist. It is the best, fact of life. Arlette says so...and for her, instead of the 1/8th teaspoon of the powder, I went with 3 tablespoons. Now, the Jalapeno pepper is hot - rated 2,500 to 8,000 on the scoville scale - hot. The Hananero & Scotch Bonnet are at parity...100,000 to 350,000 on the scoville scale...the FURNACE!!!
Arlette came an hour early to overview everything. She had been to her stylist and 'who knows' where else. She was dressed very casual in expensive, finest quality, perfectly tailored garmets she accented with her other 18K yellow gold Roly Pres...so chic...she looked amazing. Perfect in every way. Guests showed up and away we went. Perfect.
Arlette asked about the salsa and I told her I was chilling it to the perfect state. I brought it out and announced it was especially for Arlette and that she was to be first to indulge. I had these special tortilla chips that are scooped in shape and hold a giant amount of salsa. Arlette couldn't wait and scooped the maximum amount possible and gobbled it down. Evidently, the human tongue has around 3,000 to 10,000 taste buds. Her reaction was speedy and tremendous. I can't remember a more violent and painful display, not to mention surprize. She was hysterical for relief. She had captured every eye in the room. The high scoville rating will linger...for hours or more. The only chance for a little relief is milk. Oh, I forgot to mention that while shopping I picked-up some good old Knudsen's 'real churned' Buttermilk..."Arlette, quick drink this cold milk!" As she was gulping it down, I picked up the milk carton and shouted "My God! This milk expired 2 months ago!" 3-2-1 Bingo! I have never seen anyone regurgitate so strongly. I also noticed that Arlette had been wolfing the hors d'oeuvres down without proper mastication. Disgusting, messy, classless and it stinketh. It ruined Arlette's evening...it made mine.