(Hi all - anyone who has had a satirical bypass - best just skip this)
No I am not going to pay a 1000 big ones to call so I sure hope you’re reading this.
I first started eating in your places about a year ago enticed by the ‘free coffee’ offer. Free coffee, yeah sure, ok, ok, nice one, but I soon found out that to eat some food I would actually have to PAY money, REAL MONEY. So how you have the balls to keep advertising as the best free fast food restaurant online is beyond me. Anyway so I started popping in for breakfast more or less everyday and slowly but surely my lard a$$ has become addicted to your place. Got to have my daily fill otherwise I get cranky. Not one of the real addicts who spend all day there, drinking McFlurries, but still too much anyway.
Anyway it is just immoral how you dangle upgrades such as Quarter Pounders and Double cheeseburgers in front of us poor people. Every day there are new ads – eat, eat, eat. Not everyone has money to burn you know. Yeah sure I know some of you will say ‘why doesn’t he just go out and get a job?’ but jobs are difficult to find out here and there aren’t too many surveys either dammit. But it is just immoral – ordered a Quarter Pounder during the Masters free rental weekend and it tasted damn good so to have to go back to my shytey ez swing egg muffin is tough. It is a cruel sales tactic WGT and you should hang your head in shame.
However some things are just getting too much. First off – not enough variation in the menu! We have only had the Merion burger added since last year when the Juicy Olympic sandwich came. And do not, do not, do not, try to palm me off with the TruBurger because the greens on those things are way too slippery. I went to bite into one the other day and the pickle broke left (even though the photo had it smack in the centre) and slid off onto the floor only 3 inches from my mouth. 3 inches! OB and another lost pickle. And as for the lettuce same thing happened – slid off the burger, onto my trousers, I pick the fecker up and slips again. Fecking 3 putt to get it into the hole that is my mouth. So don’t give me the greens on the TruBurger puleeease.
And the descriptions on the menu don’t always match dammit. You have your caddy print pictures of the muffin and it is 100 yen and weighs 90 grams – it arrives and it is 110 yen and weighs 85 grams – what is up with that? Why have the menu in the first fecking place! And the shops are different – the local Shibuya Bethpage branch is always short on the meat – always short even with the wind behind but Shinjuku St Andy’s can give you too much and you didn’t even fecking want it! You can’t finish the damn stuff it just keeps rolling along.
So….so….now we are getting to the real BS. Yes BS. BS. BS, BS, BS. Food Enhancement Manipulation (FEM) – you know what I am talking about. I’ll give you some examples – mustard sauce for the chicken nuggets. I know my mustard sauce – I have eaten here nearly every day for over a year goddammit and I know what it tastes like and I know what it can do. Recently – ppffft. Example yesterday I was at Royal St Ueno and I pull the foil wrap of the tub and I DINGED that foil wrap – I fecking DINGED it and there was no spill AT ALL and what do you know? Short by two millimeters – two fecking millimeters. Listen I know how much sauce should be there and it is not two fecking millimeters short in a 15mph tailwind at one o’clock ok? That is not two millis short. Never. So you are messing with my meal.
Other examples – ketchup – too sweet one day too sour the next. Mayonnaise – runny then runny then viscous. We don’t know what to expect from one burger to the next anymore. Though some do and that is what really fecking annoys me – the latest competition to win Merion Burgers? Some are doing ok eh? Some get the taste they want but not fecking me – I just get some cr%p piece of chicken and runny fecking ketchup!!!
Give us back our MacDonalds that we all knew and loved back in the day when it was just me (well ok I wasn’t there) YJ, TBE and Renn. Will ya? Will ya?
Right I am stopping now – first fecking post and it’ll never be printed – grrr grrr grrr…….
Oh – and don’t come back with ditching the hybrid and getting 3 potato wedges and don’t come back with clear my cache cause I don’t know what my fecking cache is, and DO NOT come back at me with sand saves, scrambling and one putt stats OK!