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Who will have the last word?

Sat, Jul 11 2020 2:58 PM by callaghan159. 8,906 replies.
  • craigswan United Kingdom
    16,779 Posts
    Sat, Apr 11 2020 3:21 AM

    Astronaut pooo from the ISS is fired back at the Earth to burn up in its atmosphere.

    Space shittle..

    I wonder which country they aim it at?

    The possibility of being hit on the head by human poo on your Sunday morning stroll are ever-increasing.

    So that's what the smell is. I always assumed it was farmers.

    Does this mean the Aurora Borealis should be called the Northern Shites?

  • craigswan United Kingdom
    16,779 Posts
    Sun, Apr 12 2020 2:34 AM

    If the space between Earth and the Sun was filled with air, the noise generated by the Sun would take 13 years to arrive and be louder than a train horn a metre away.

    8 minutes for light to arrive from the sun, but 13 years for sound to arrive? I never realised how slow the speed of sound was until now. No wonder Concorde got decommissioned..

    I think  after waiting  13 years you'd have given up waiting, gone for a Pizza and then have a very big surprise....

    No extra cheese on the top .

  • craigswan United Kingdom
    16,779 Posts
    Sun, Apr 12 2020 2:37 AM

    Lady Gaga’s meat dress had to be turned into jerky to be displayed in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame..

    Something for us to chew on !

    Guessing the same happened to her career..


  • craigswan United Kingdom
    16,779 Posts
    Sun, Apr 12 2020 2:43 AM

    Word of the Day: MACARONIC – mixing one language into another, for example.

    When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie; that's macaronic?

    'that's amore'.

  • craigswan United Kingdom
    16,779 Posts
    Sun, Apr 12 2020 2:52 AM

    An Irish drug dealer lost 53 million euro's  in bitcoin when his landlord accidentally threw out the codes to access them..

    "Earlier today, a local rubbish tip was invaded by several hundred people in hoodies all frantically ripping open every garbage bag they could find, and minutely examining the contents. It is as yet unknown what prompted this phenomenon .... "

     

    is the landlord still alive?

    Landlord? You mean his mom?

    ALWAYS have a backup. A lesson for us all.

    And do not let your mom tidy your bedroom .

  • craigswan United Kingdom
    16,779 Posts
    Sun, Apr 12 2020 1:36 PM

  • craigswan United Kingdom
    16,779 Posts
    Sun, Apr 12 2020 2:21 PM

    Breaking news - you heard it here first .

    The sports world had been wondering if the new Tampa Bay Buccaneers quarterback Tom Brady, was going to end up having to get a new number, since #12 was already taken by wide receiver Chris Goodwin.

    There were rumors floating around Florida that Goodwin’s agent, , had stated that he wanted Brady to pay his client $125,000 to give up the number.

    Another rumor was that he wanted Brady to agree to throw him at least ten passes per game..

    Goodwin finally decided, on his own to allow Brady to use the number 12, and he would pick out another unassigned number.

    Brady was truly happy at Goodwin’s very kind gesture. And, in fact, Tom was so impressed, that he bought him a fully loaded 2020 Lexus in the Buccaneer team colors.

    Brady also mentioned that he was going to give Goodwin $35,000 in cash.

    Brady pointed out that what Goodwin really appreciated, more than the Lexus or the money, was the 12 rolls of Charmin toilet paper that he threw in.

  • craigswan United Kingdom
    16,779 Posts
    Sun, Apr 12 2020 2:44 PM

    Neil Diamond has sold over 100 million songs from Brooklyn to Bombay. He recently spoke with The Los Angeles Post-Gazette about the dreaded Coronavirus..

    The 79-year-old singer, said that he was trying to figure out a way to contribute toward the understanding of C-19.

    He decided that one way would be to alter the words to one of his biggest hits “Sweet Caroline.”

    So Diamond, with the help of fellow singer Neil Young, re-recorded the song, with the revamped lyrics, which are now: “Hands, washing hands, reaching out, not touching me, not touching you.”

    The new version will be released as “Sweet Isolated Caroline”

    Diamond said that all proceeds will go to purchase masks and  gloves,

  • craigswan United Kingdom
    16,779 Posts
    Mon, Apr 13 2020 2:29 AM

    Words rejected by the Oxford English Dictionary include

    "wurfing" (surfing the internet at work),

    sprummer ("when summer and spring time can't decide which is to come first, usually hot one day then cold the next")

    and "nonversation" (a pointless chat). Like here .

    Can I offer up 'Poogling'. Nipping to the loo at work to check something on your phone. We use it a lot at work!


  • craigswan United Kingdom
    16,779 Posts
    Mon, Apr 13 2020 2:35 AM

    Outdoor cats tend to be far-sighted. Indoor cats tend to be near-sighted.

    This lens better?

    Meow.

    Okay, is lens 1 or 2 better.

    Meow meow..


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