So paul ton has a lot to celebrate .
Between his beloved Scottish national party finishing third in the british election and the mighty Glasgow rangers qualifying in 4th place for the second or third division play offs .
Paul had been drinking at his local greenoch pub all day and most of the night celebrating these famous victories . Mick, the bartender, says "You'll not be drinking any more tonight, Paul" Paul replies "OK Mick, I'll be on me way then." He spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face. "Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face. "Shoite, Shoite!" He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk. He falls flat on his face. "Bi'Jesus... I'm tanked," he says. He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says "No way!" He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "If i can just make it to me bed." He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says "to hell with it" and falls into bed. The next morning, his wife, , comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paul . Did you have a bit to drink last night?". Paul says, "I did lass . I was tanked' pissed. But how'd you know?" "Mick called. You left your 'wheelchair at the pub."