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Re: Don't like, move on!

• HamdenPro 2,418 Posts

  Sun, Oct 8 2023 8:01 PM

  I have stayed out of the forums a lot lately. Obviously, I have not been posting as much as I did in the past. This has been by choice. It just seems that, as it happens every now and then, things seem to get out of control quick.

  I have been reading the threads, I see things I disagree with, or a great opportunity to reply with some witty, smart a$$, comment, but I do not. I roll my eyes and move on. On occasion, if I am friends with the poster, I may voice my disappointment in a private message, otherwise, if I do not like it, I move on.

  I hope no one minds about the "forwardness" of this thread, but I would like to share something I read recently:

  "Kindness. That’s a word we don’t hear a lot these days. Perhaps it seems antiquated in our competitive, social-media-infused, politically contentious culture—reserved for fools and chumps, not for those who want to get ahead.

  But nothing could be further from the truth.... [I]n today’s world... we need to cultivate kindness more than ever—not only for the sake of our society, but for our own well-being.

   we are wired for kindness—that it’s part of our biological heritage, designed to help us foster relationships, work together, and survive in groups. When we are kind to others, it releases neurochemicals in our bodies that increase trust and give us a warm feeling.

  Research suggests that being kind toward others is associated with better and stronger mental and physical health, relationships, life satisfaction, communities, and even economies.

  Because let’s face it: It can be hard to be kind, particularly when we’re stressed out or emotionally spent... we forget to notice the people around us or be empathic to their suffering... This kind of reactive behavior tears at the fabric of our relationships—at the interpersonal, workplace, and even societal level—making it harder to feel good"

  Kindness does not have to come as a gift. Sometimes, being kind could be as simple as moving on if you see something you do not like in the forum threads, or not posting that demeaning, "witty", comment, or meme.

  So, if you don't like it, PLEASE move on.

   

  * The quoted excerpts were taken from an article about a book by Tara Cousineau (researcher and author of the book "The Kindness Cure".

  P.S. If you are not kind, be careful, Junior Moderator may be watching!

• pmm711 5,517 Posts

  Sun, Oct 8 2023 8:18 PM

  Our church started a new sermon series today, “Revive Us Again”.  We’re going to be focusing on how we, as individuals, as well as a church body, can help make our community and world a better place.  But to get there we need a spiritual revival…first and foremost in our own hearts.  

  A revival requires 3 things: a called people, for those people to humble themselves, and prayer.  God has to move first in our own hearts and we must let go of our pride.  Then we need to be obedient to The Word and let go of our wicked ways.

  I think a revival is needed in these forums.  It would definitely be a start and work on healing things. 😂

   

• HamdenPro 2,418 Posts

  Sun, Oct 8 2023 10:50 PM

  pmm711:

  Our church started a new sermon series today, “Revive Us Again”.  We’re going to be focusing on how we, as individuals, as well as a church body, can help make our community and world a better place

  See that, just shows you, all you need to do is skip the church and read my threads when I post them.

• craigswan 30,993 Posts

  Mon, Oct 9 2023 2:30 AM

  Lovely thoughts steffi but there are too many keyboard warriors out there . But good luck with your task .

• Robert1893 7,666 Posts

  Mon, Oct 9 2023 7:26 AM

  Of course, as is the case with most things, there are multiple layers to this. Yes, I absolutely agree we should show kindness toward others. If for no other reason, I agree because the alternative (we should be mean) seems as if it would be difficult to defend. 😉

  But with communication (in general) and online, written communication (in particular), there are a number of other factors at play. In no particular order, below are some of those factors.

  People tend not to give other people a break or allow them to have a bad day or a bad moment. A person can make 9 kind posts and 1 bad post, and the person seems to get no credit for the 9 kind posts he or she posted. Simply put: we are not as good as our most gracious or generous moments and not as bad as our most caustic or snarky responses.

  While it's gotten to be a bit of a trite saying, it remains true that we judge ourselves by our intentions but judge others by their behavior or content. Inherently, that's problematical. Unless someone specifically spells out intent, we don't know it for sure. A comment that may be made in a truly kidding manner could easily be interpreted as being mean-spirited, even though that was never the intent.

  Conversely, we may believe our intent is 100% pure when (in reality) our intent is (at best) mixed. That snarky response we intend only as a "kidding" response was enjoyed by ourselves much more than we like to admit.

  There are those who look for "gotcha" moments. They highlight when someone does make the out-of-character post and then take that single post as the person showing his or her "true colors." At times, some seem to delight in identifying those gotcha moments. In doing so, the person is questioning (if not outright attacking) the other person's character. When one's character is being questioned, it is very difficult to move on. While responding in kind is a "suboptimal" approach, it is understandable when people respond negatively to their character being questioned.

  Some people completely lack self-awareness and all people lack self-awareness at some point in their lives or with some aspects of their behavior. For example, some will criticize others for the same behavior they also engage in. While it might not be hypocrisy, it is curious. In any case, to call them out on that is not necessarily unkind. And to simply "move on" is not always the correct or best approach. 

  That's just some of my thoughts. 

• HamdenPro 2,418 Posts

  Mon, Oct 9 2023 8:01 AM

  Well, I cannot say I disagree with anything you have stated, all valid, and good, points.

  Personally, I have been called out more times than I can count on a comment I made which I thought was humorous and believed it would be seen as such when it was not. At least not by the one I was replying too. I have lost friends over things I have posted in jest and I have fretted and lost sleep over some things people have posted in the forum, or elsewhere, about me.

  I guess I was thinking more of the "gotcha" moments which, looking back, were unnecessary and may have been funny to only a few. In fact, there was no reason to post such a reply, and, in those instances, I should have simply moved on. Obviously, there is no need to search for validation by insulting others, even in jest. A lesson I am still learning.

  As for not calling someone out, in my case, if I believe something should be said to that person, and I am able to send a PM, I will call them out, but privately.

  It just seems to me, lately, there have been many "gotcha" post followed by a "piling on" by others.

  In hindsight, not sure my creating this thread was a good idea, it just seemed to be at the time.

   

  P.S. I in no way meant to imply that I have not resorted to that behavior which I am now calling out. I am just as guilty as many others. Maybe I just have more regrets as to replies I have posted, especially those I posted with bad intent.

• craigswan 30,993 Posts

  Mon, Oct 9 2023 10:41 AM

  From what I witness most keyboard warriors seem to be normal, run-of-the-mill, common everyday people. Maybe that was the distinguishing feature: they don't appear to be anyone special at all!

   

  Keyboard warriors, no one admits to being one but they're everywhere, lurking in the shadows. Even me sometimes .

   Personal insults crafted to crush another human beings soul. Venomous comments, get thrown about with wild abandonment and show little regard for any and all consequences.

  Everyday people are turning feral and latching onto bullying others online, like a rabid dog with a bone. Stripping others down publicly, often fueled by some kind of weirdo power high they've got themselves on, all behind their laptop screens.

  Majority of these people would never walk up to another person, particularly a stranger, and say these things to their face. Firstly, there's a good bloody chance they'd end up with a fist in their face but secondly, because it would then be a real person they'd be saying it to and therefore requiring dealing with that persons reactions, good or bad.

  We have lost good people to all this like Henry and PDB and now maybe steffi .

  That is why Nico was hired to clean this place up . Too far in my opinion but stepping back and looking in without favour i can understand why .

  Who are these people. Who does that kind of thing to someone?

  They seem to forget empathy, respect and plain old good manners when pounding out their drivel, hiding behind their computer screens, sipping hot cocoa.

  Junior moderators required . I vote Henry and Steffi .

• Robert1893 7,666 Posts

  Mon, Oct 9 2023 10:54 AM

  craigswan:

  Junior moderators required

  Actually, the cure for bad speech has never been censorship, which is what moderation is by another name.

  The cure is more speech not less. On the topic, I could provide a wealth of quotes. But John Stuart Mill will have to suffice:

  "If all mankind minus one, were of one opinion, and only one person were of the contrary opinion, mankind would be no more justified in silencing that one person, than he, if he had the power, would be justified in silencing mankind" (John Stuart Mill, On Liberty).

• HamdenPro 2,418 Posts

  Mon, Oct 9 2023 11:05 AM

  craigswan:

  Junior moderators required

  I agree with Robert. Moderation is not the answer.

  It falls upon each person to decide to what manner they feel compelled to respond. My only point was that if the response is not positive, or is demeaning, or intended to be a "gotcha", think twice before posting.

  Sometimes, not replying can be a simple act of kindness in and of itself. Kind to the person you intended to address and kind to yourself for not putting yourself through the anguish and emotions when the thread turns south (possibly b/c of your reply).